My [On] Star
The call, borne of desperation and annoyance, always begins the same way:
Renn: Chach, where's [insert random town]?
Chachi (sighing loudly, while typing into computer): Why? Never mind. I probably don't want to know. Wait. I DO want to know.
Renn: Because I'm there.
Chachi: Of course you are. You're supposed to be in DURHAM. How did you get to [insert random town]?
Renn: I WAS in Durham. I was headed home.
Chachi: Then you would be going EAST, Renn. You are not going East. In fact, you are SO far from going EAST that you are going NORTH. Towards VIRGINIA. You are FORTY FIVE MINUTES NORTH of DURHAM. WHY did you wait FORTY FIVE MINUTES to call me?
Renn: It LOOKED like the right road. It said 501. I took 501 to Durham from work!
Chachi [sighing sadly]: No, hon. You took FIFTEEN-FIVE OH ONE. NOT FIVE OH ONE. It's TWO DIFFERENT ROADS. [voice softening] What do you see in front of you?
Renn: A pond. Full of geese.
Chachi: ...AND?
Renn: Cows. Lots of cows.
Chachi: Any SIGNS on the road? Or are you in a FIELD [again]?
Renn: I am on the road. Going slowly. This is really the middle of nowhere.
Chachi: Turn around. NOW.
Renn: AND?
Chachi: Call me when you get back to Durham.
FIVE MINUTES PASS...
Renn: Chachi?
Chachi: Let me guess. You passed Durham and are now in Florida?
Renn: No, smartypants. I need some advice.
Chachi: [sighing] What?
Renn: Uh, how do I get goose feathers off my hood?
Ed. Note: This post was checked for accuracy prior to posting.
Renn: Chach, where's [insert random town]?
Chachi (sighing loudly, while typing into computer): Why? Never mind. I probably don't want to know. Wait. I DO want to know.
Renn: Because I'm there.
Chachi: Of course you are. You're supposed to be in DURHAM. How did you get to [insert random town]?
Renn: I WAS in Durham. I was headed home.
Chachi: Then you would be going EAST, Renn. You are not going East. In fact, you are SO far from going EAST that you are going NORTH. Towards VIRGINIA. You are FORTY FIVE MINUTES NORTH of DURHAM. WHY did you wait FORTY FIVE MINUTES to call me?
Renn: It LOOKED like the right road. It said 501. I took 501 to Durham from work!
Chachi [sighing sadly]: No, hon. You took FIFTEEN-FIVE OH ONE. NOT FIVE OH ONE. It's TWO DIFFERENT ROADS. [voice softening] What do you see in front of you?
Renn: A pond. Full of geese.
Chachi: ...AND?
Renn: Cows. Lots of cows.
Chachi: Any SIGNS on the road? Or are you in a FIELD [again]?
Renn: I am on the road. Going slowly. This is really the middle of nowhere.
Chachi: Turn around. NOW.
Renn: AND?
Chachi: Call me when you get back to Durham.
FIVE MINUTES PASS...
Renn: Chachi?
Chachi: Let me guess. You passed Durham and are now in Florida?
Renn: No, smartypants. I need some advice.
Chachi: [sighing] What?
Renn: Uh, how do I get goose feathers off my hood?
Ed. Note: This post was checked for accuracy prior to posting.
posted by rennratt at 7:35 PM
9 Comments:
Geese are fuckers, every single one of them.
GPS - best investment ever! :-)
Didja keep the goose? You could filet out the breastesses and eat the little bastard. Revenge would never taste so, uhhhh, goosey.
:) Good thing you did the accuracy check. Can't be too careful about these things.
Was that you I saw circling my neighborhood all day the other day?!
We are one, my friend.
Bwahahahaha! I had a conversation like this with Sweety when I was on my way home from work at 3 in the morning. I asked him what I was going to see if I kept on road Such&Such and he told me the ocean. I had woken him with my call of being lost. I decided to keep driving and have breakfast by the ocean if necessary and then find my way home. Luckily, I did get home. What should have been a 30 minute ride from work to home took over 2 hours.
I'm directionally challenged.
My girls are used the me "going the long way". They have now been convinced that it is "Fun!".
It is all how you look at it. (But then again I haven't run into any geese in my meanderings.)
Canadian Geese are the worst. Nasty little suckers. Make all us Canucks look bad.
I find sometimes even with GPS, I get hopelessly lost. Technology's useless unless I actually LISTEN to it :)
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