New Medication, More Bizzare Cautions
Due to a most excellent decline in my weight recently, it was assessed that the NSAID prescribed was likely too strong. [In short, it knocked me unconscious every time I took it.] As a result, Dr. Yup-Yup gave me not one, but two prescriptions for new medication.
The primary prescription [Lodine 400XL] is simply a lower dose of my previous medication. Since I initially responded well to Lodine 500XL, Dr. Yup-Yup wanted to give a lower dose a chance. In the off chance that any form of Lodine may now respond negatively [Chart One for Dreamland, STAT!], he gave a second prescription for a medication known as Relafen. From what I understand, Lodine is to Relafen as Naproxen is to Advil. Same general purpose, just a different recipe overall.
Being a careful, dutiful physician, Dr. Yup-Yup wrote "HOLD" at the top right of the Relafen prescription. This was, he explained, to notify the pharmacy that this was a 'just in case' medication. They should only fill it, he said, if the Lodine 400XL had the same effect on me as the higher dose. I related this information to the 12 year old behind the counter this morning, and, through heavily glammed-up eyes [left over from a frat house Rave, perhaps?], she blinked understanding and nodded in agreement.
I was not at all surprised to find not one, but TWO large prescription bottles in the pharmacy bag this evening. And, since I am old and lazy and like to complain? The NSAIDs for my Arthritis are still in child proof caps. [And NO, I haven't signed the waiver for old people lids yet. Like the pharmacy could read what I wrote, anyway.]
Despite my reputation for a contrary nature, I make sure to read the warning inserts for all of my medications. While they tend to scare the overall crap out of me, I am also darkly amused by the many 'potential side effects' that are noted.
My favorite scary warning within the Lodine 400XL list: This medicine may increase your risk for certain serious heart and blood vessel problems (such as heart attack and stroke). Well, at least my joints won't hurt as my brain explodes. Thanks.
My favorite bizarre warning within the Lodine 400XL list: Do not drive, operate machinery, or do anything else that could be dangerous. Do you think this means in general or while taking this medication?
My favorite scary warning within the Relafen insert: If you experience shortness of breath, dizziness, crushing chest pains or breathing difficulties while taking this medicine, call your doctor immediately. Do not take any more medicine unless your doctor tells you to do so. If I had crushing chest pains, dizziness and shortness of breath, I'm pretty sure swallowing more crap that made me feel bad would be out of the question.
My favorite bizarre warning within the Relafen insert: Avoid exposure to sunlamps and the sun until you know how this medication will affect you. Affect me where? Inside the cave I'm apparently moving to?
Apparently, both Lodine 400XL and Relafen may cause my eyelids to swell, my kidneys to fail, and my liver to burst into flames.
And, as always, I have been sternly warned to watch out for what appears to be my stomach rendering itself into swiss cheese.
Both medicine bottles came with the standard Stoner Sticker, and reminders that I should probably eat prior to taking the Pills of Bursting Organs.
Ironically, the dosage for both medications reads May take one to two pills twice daily, as needed for pain.
Sometimes, I really wish that St. Joseph's Aspirin was still the Magic Cure...
The primary prescription [Lodine 400XL] is simply a lower dose of my previous medication. Since I initially responded well to Lodine 500XL, Dr. Yup-Yup wanted to give a lower dose a chance. In the off chance that any form of Lodine may now respond negatively [Chart One for Dreamland, STAT!], he gave a second prescription for a medication known as Relafen. From what I understand, Lodine is to Relafen as Naproxen is to Advil. Same general purpose, just a different recipe overall.
Being a careful, dutiful physician, Dr. Yup-Yup wrote "HOLD" at the top right of the Relafen prescription. This was, he explained, to notify the pharmacy that this was a 'just in case' medication. They should only fill it, he said, if the Lodine 400XL had the same effect on me as the higher dose. I related this information to the 12 year old behind the counter this morning, and, through heavily glammed-up eyes [left over from a frat house Rave, perhaps?], she blinked understanding and nodded in agreement.
I was not at all surprised to find not one, but TWO large prescription bottles in the pharmacy bag this evening. And, since I am old and lazy and like to complain? The NSAIDs for my Arthritis are still in child proof caps. [And NO, I haven't signed the waiver for old people lids yet. Like the pharmacy could read what I wrote, anyway.]
Despite my reputation for a contrary nature, I make sure to read the warning inserts for all of my medications. While they tend to scare the overall crap out of me, I am also darkly amused by the many 'potential side effects' that are noted.
My favorite scary warning within the Lodine 400XL list: This medicine may increase your risk for certain serious heart and blood vessel problems (such as heart attack and stroke). Well, at least my joints won't hurt as my brain explodes. Thanks.
My favorite bizarre warning within the Lodine 400XL list: Do not drive, operate machinery, or do anything else that could be dangerous. Do you think this means in general or while taking this medication?
My favorite scary warning within the Relafen insert: If you experience shortness of breath, dizziness, crushing chest pains or breathing difficulties while taking this medicine, call your doctor immediately. Do not take any more medicine unless your doctor tells you to do so. If I had crushing chest pains, dizziness and shortness of breath, I'm pretty sure swallowing more crap that made me feel bad would be out of the question.
My favorite bizarre warning within the Relafen insert: Avoid exposure to sunlamps and the sun until you know how this medication will affect you. Affect me where? Inside the cave I'm apparently moving to?
Apparently, both Lodine 400XL and Relafen may cause my eyelids to swell, my kidneys to fail, and my liver to burst into flames.
And, as always, I have been sternly warned to watch out for what appears to be my stomach rendering itself into swiss cheese.
Both medicine bottles came with the standard Stoner Sticker, and reminders that I should probably eat prior to taking the Pills of Bursting Organs.
Ironically, the dosage for both medications reads May take one to two pills twice daily, as needed for pain.
Sometimes, I really wish that St. Joseph's Aspirin was still the Magic Cure...
Labels: health
posted by rennratt at 7:15 PM
9 Comments:
Loved your closer. It would be nice if a little baby aspirin could fix everything!
Hope the new plan (one of 'em) works.
Funny about the St. Joe's aspirin -- because I'm freakin' OLD, that's all we took for anything. Just a baby aspirin.
I constantly laugh at the warnings and side effects of meds I read about or see on tv. Sounds to me like some of the meds are worse than the ailment. (Oh, and you can be sure that Mr. Cool caught the "four-hour-erection" warning on a recent Viagra commercial. His comment? "Cool." God help me.)
Dammit, wordnerd said exactly what I was going to say. I love the "see a doctor if you have an erection that lasts longer than four hours". Now, what man, or woman for that matter, would run to the doctor for that?
Dude, I wouldn't do the kidney failure if I was you. It's just not as much fun as they make it out to be.
I take a baby aspirin every day (not St. Joe's - I'm too cheap for the name brand), but it doesn't do anything for pain far as I can tell. Plus, sometimes I burp and I taste orange flavor (I HATE Orange flavor!).
I can answer the 4-hour erection question: if it lasts longer than that, the blood in that htere weenie could clot, causing the trouser worm to get gangrene and DROP OFF.
It's called priapism, which isn't as much fun as it sounds.
And all those warning s are there because the FDA says they have to be. Wihtout it, obvoiusly, people couldn't be trusted to care to be informed or anything. Well, most people. Renn excepted.
Four hour erection... What do you do when you see the doctor, give him/her a high five or do they finish you off? :) I would like to see how they file that claim on my insurance.
My favorite random warnings are the ones on things for something like constipation, where they warn, "May cause diarrhea. Or constipation." Good luck!
Or "May cause death. See doctor if this occurs."
Check! Will do that!
Hope one of those skull-and-crossbones meds works out for you!
I take the baby aspirin too, and I've been taking Lodine too often because of hip pain. God help us all, since the pharmacies won't.
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