Motivate THIS
Dear Zig Zigler:
I friggin' hate you.
Ok, so maybe 'hate' is a skosh strong. I highly dislike/relatively loathe/am extremely perturbed with you and your feathered band of schizos. You are currently not on my list of favorite people, okay?
Who, PRAY TELL helped you 'organize' the seminar/Gaud Fest here in Raleigh today? A seminar, no less, that urged people to "GET MOTIVATED!"? Have they even BEEN to this area before?
WHY ON EARTH would six major road arteries be closed during rush hour? This, by the way, would INCLUDE THE MAIN HIGHWAY KNOWN AS I-40. What is wrong with you?! Either you have no concept of the rat maze that is 'The Triangle", or you have half-breed hamsters completing road surveys.
See, whether you know it or not, precious Zigster, when major arteries are blocked, the smaller areas are over worked. As a result, many roads in the Centralized Armpit of Relocated Yankees area were nightmares to travel this morning. More than you may ever know.
There was much screaming. Much yelling. Much Yankee Saluting.
It didn't stop there.
Dude, really. My normal commute - even on a scheduled Presidential Meeting day, is much less stressful than this morning was. IT TOOK ME THREE HOURS TO GET TO WORK THIS MORNING. I commute a total of forty six miles. One Hundred Eighty minutes of my life were spent idling on random roads, trying to figure out how to get around you. Or how to find a bathroom.
See, Zig, my morning commute is a ritual. A soothing ritual. One that involves three cups of coffee and 2 big gulp cups of water.
You put me off my routine, Zig. You also broke the Sacred Command: Thou shalt not deprive a woman her right to pee.
Please take solace in one thing, Zig. Your seminar message on Motivation reached well outside the walls of the RBC Center. See, by blocking those main arteries, you forced approximately three thousand (maybe more) employees to be late for work today. Many whom, unlike yours truly, may not be salaried cubicle ferrets. People that work for an hourly wage.
As a result, I am motivated to request - nay, demand - an immediate listing of your home address, home phone, and personal email address.
Said information will only be publilshed in the local paper. For the Employees Late For Work Today.
If they are motivated enough, they will turn said information in to thier superiors. I have the feeling that many bosses in this area would really like to talk to you.
I doubt they'll be requesting free tickets to your next event.
I friggin' hate you.
Ok, so maybe 'hate' is a skosh strong. I highly dislike/relatively loathe/am extremely perturbed with you and your feathered band of schizos. You are currently not on my list of favorite people, okay?
Who, PRAY TELL helped you 'organize' the seminar/Gaud Fest here in Raleigh today? A seminar, no less, that urged people to "GET MOTIVATED!"? Have they even BEEN to this area before?
WHY ON EARTH would six major road arteries be closed during rush hour? This, by the way, would INCLUDE THE MAIN HIGHWAY KNOWN AS I-40. What is wrong with you?! Either you have no concept of the rat maze that is 'The Triangle", or you have half-breed hamsters completing road surveys.
See, whether you know it or not, precious Zigster, when major arteries are blocked, the smaller areas are over worked. As a result, many roads in the Centralized Armpit of Relocated Yankees area were nightmares to travel this morning. More than you may ever know.
There was much screaming. Much yelling. Much Yankee Saluting.
It didn't stop there.
Dude, really. My normal commute - even on a scheduled Presidential Meeting day, is much less stressful than this morning was. IT TOOK ME THREE HOURS TO GET TO WORK THIS MORNING. I commute a total of forty six miles. One Hundred Eighty minutes of my life were spent idling on random roads, trying to figure out how to get around you. Or how to find a bathroom.
See, Zig, my morning commute is a ritual. A soothing ritual. One that involves three cups of coffee and 2 big gulp cups of water.
You put me off my routine, Zig. You also broke the Sacred Command: Thou shalt not deprive a woman her right to pee.
Please take solace in one thing, Zig. Your seminar message on Motivation reached well outside the walls of the RBC Center. See, by blocking those main arteries, you forced approximately three thousand (maybe more) employees to be late for work today. Many whom, unlike yours truly, may not be salaried cubicle ferrets. People that work for an hourly wage.
As a result, I am motivated to request - nay, demand - an immediate listing of your home address, home phone, and personal email address.
Said information will only be publilshed in the local paper. For the Employees Late For Work Today.
If they are motivated enough, they will turn said information in to thier superiors. I have the feeling that many bosses in this area would really like to talk to you.
I doubt they'll be requesting free tickets to your next event.
posted by rennratt at 8:09 PM
11 Comments:
I shouldn't laugh at your plight, but it IS funny. I knew that I would hear about all that mess from someone, but I didn't know it would be you.....LOL
I had to go over to Trinity Road to get something yesterday - and I am SO glad I didn't wait until this morning to go. I'd have been caught in all that too!
Forgive my ignorance, but is Zig Ziggler related to Dirk Diggler?
You want we should have "Guido" pay a little visit to his kneecaps?
I'd have blown a blood vessel in my eye after the first 30 minutes. Congrats on not murdering anyone. You didn't, did you?
I agree with Trina. Yep, I could've only taken it about half an hour too before stroking out. Glad to hear you made it to work finally!
LOL! It was Zig Zigler???
I'd heard there was a seminar at RBC that was supposed to really mess up traffic...but they didn't mention the Zig Zigler part!
I came by to thank you for your kindness to Mr. & Mrs. Kenju. I know how much she appreciated that.
Dood - it was horrendous. i had no idea what the eff was going on, but it was something not right, fosho.
I'll bet you that the total count of foks late to work was more in the neightborhood of THIRTY thousand people.
Or may 30 million. The area IS growing, you know.
Gosh. I thought Zig Zigler was dead.
I really have to get out more.
Who the hell is Zig Zigler?
Only in the South. Zig would likely get lynched in the Pacific Northwest. Tied to a tree at the very least.
Post a Comment
<< Home