My Toe is Still Attached...
So we didn't travel during the holiday weekend. We did, however, spend Saturday evening at a cookout...located precisely two doors down from our own. To call the experience interesting would be an understatement so obscene that head slaps would be necessary. In spite of this fact, I can not locate a word accurate enough to describe just how...uh...different...it really was. As a result, I will list an overview of what was learned:
1. Our neighbor (two doors down) escaped his country of origin on HORSEBACK to avoid being killed by rebels that opposed the army. (He was IN the army...) It took him over a month to get to the US. Yes, he is legal. No, he is not Mexican.
2. He married an African American woman...who is madly in love with KENNY ROGERS.
3. Our Across the Street Neighbor informed us that, as of Saturday, his (now) ex-wife is out of prison. She will likely come for a visit.
4. We were served Menudo, Chili, Ribs, hamburgers, hot dogs, sausage, and an entire pig. Well, except the head. THAT was inside the fridge waiting to be made into head cheese.
5. There was much beer and tequila. [We brought five cases of soda...]
6. Bocce is actually MORE FUN than croquet. And definitely less dangerous when you're expecting someone fresh out of prison to come knockin'.
7. One of the visitors was introduced as the Crocodile Murderer. It seems that, every time she visits Florida, she runs over one. One such ordeal involved her driving a Dodge Neon. Her husband (introduced as Big Ole Bubba) sat quietly and shook his head the entire time. I know the mental picture that y'all have of this couple. Erase it and replace with the truth: She is maybe 5' tall and a buck ten tops; he is 6'4" and around two twenty. Also? They're both African American.
8. Our Right Next Door Neighbor blasted sixties music from his Sirius Radio. From his TRUCK, which he parked in the back yard, not 15 feet from where we were eating.
9. I caught our Across the Street Neighbor staring blatantly at my chest. More than once. If he hadn't cocked his head to the side and looked puzzled, I may have said something. Must. Remember. Not. To. Wear. Shirts. With. Words. On. Them.
10. I was warned that Two Doors Down (male) Neighbor was 'Such a chatterbox, he'll talk 'til your head falls plumb off.'
I really, really, REALLY need to start carrying a video recorder everywhere I go.
1. Our neighbor (two doors down) escaped his country of origin on HORSEBACK to avoid being killed by rebels that opposed the army. (He was IN the army...) It took him over a month to get to the US. Yes, he is legal. No, he is not Mexican.
2. He married an African American woman...who is madly in love with KENNY ROGERS.
3. Our Across the Street Neighbor informed us that, as of Saturday, his (now) ex-wife is out of prison. She will likely come for a visit.
4. We were served Menudo, Chili, Ribs, hamburgers, hot dogs, sausage, and an entire pig. Well, except the head. THAT was inside the fridge waiting to be made into head cheese.
5. There was much beer and tequila. [We brought five cases of soda...]
6. Bocce is actually MORE FUN than croquet. And definitely less dangerous when you're expecting someone fresh out of prison to come knockin'.
7. One of the visitors was introduced as the Crocodile Murderer. It seems that, every time she visits Florida, she runs over one. One such ordeal involved her driving a Dodge Neon. Her husband (introduced as Big Ole Bubba) sat quietly and shook his head the entire time. I know the mental picture that y'all have of this couple. Erase it and replace with the truth: She is maybe 5' tall and a buck ten tops; he is 6'4" and around two twenty. Also? They're both African American.
8. Our Right Next Door Neighbor blasted sixties music from his Sirius Radio. From his TRUCK, which he parked in the back yard, not 15 feet from where we were eating.
9. I caught our Across the Street Neighbor staring blatantly at my chest. More than once. If he hadn't cocked his head to the side and looked puzzled, I may have said something. Must. Remember. Not. To. Wear. Shirts. With. Words. On. Them.
10. I was warned that Two Doors Down (male) Neighbor was 'Such a chatterbox, he'll talk 'til your head falls plumb off.'
I really, really, REALLY need to start carrying a video recorder everywhere I go.
Labels: health
posted by rennratt at 2:31 PM
11 Comments:
I don't really have a comment, I just like your posts.
Hi.
Hrm, I'd trade you Noisy Sex and Smoking on the Porch and Loud Drunkeness Late at Night Neighbor for any of the above.
Glad the toe is still attached, but is it in one piece...
P.S. Mom's doing fine, and you were right. Seeing her was a lot easier than what I'd made it out to be in my mind. Thanks so much for the encouragement.
See if you can get me an invite to their next party.....LOL
I love it when women wear shirts with words on them. When they catch you staring at their boobs (As you know I do) then you start pretending to read and then laugh or comment or whatever is appropriate to make you seem less pervy.
Sounds like a great party! Our neighbors are so quiet, we sometimes forget we have any. Which is just karma paying us back for the decade we lived in a virtual prison of bad neighbors at our old house.
Sill trying to get my head wrapped around the geusts. Eclectic.
No, too early in the day.
Sounds like a fun time.
Anybody using the phrase "falls plum off" is my kinda people!
Dude. :-)
I'd like to know what Menudo is? I thought it/they were a boy band from the 80's... you didn't eat a bunch of prepubescent boys did you?
Also, If you have a house for sale in your neighborhood could you call me please? my neighbors are rather dull.
I just read a post on Scarlet's blog "as good as it gets" and she was wanting mutual friends with her spouse. She might change her mind if she reads about your variety of friends. Big Ole Bubba and Crocodile Murderer sound like most of ours.
I dunno man, it sounds like a heck of a lot of fun.
But I was expecting Jarts maybe. Certainly NOT bocce.
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