The Fabulous Life, Renn Style
You, too, can be cool like Rennratt! Simply follow these easy steps!
1. Spend 1-2 weeks, freezing cold.
2. Drink new, Costa Rican Extra Bold coffee with dinner "to warm up".
3. Spend entire evening/all night in high grade panic attacks, unsure of cause. Sleep approximately 3 hours.
4. Wake up with large zit under nose.
5. Drink more of new, fabulous coffee.
6. Have more panic attacks while driving to work.
7. Realize it's the coffee.
8. Wonder, briefly, why Juan Valdez wants you dead.
9. Spend entire morning exhausted, unfocused and barely able to work.
10. Go to large warehouse store during lunch to pick up supplies.
11. Finally warm up while in store, and remove sweater. Place sweater on top of cart.
12. Hear thudding noise as you're dragging an entire of now full cart through the store.
13. Realize that thudding noise is sweater, wrapped around tires under cart.
14. Try to pull sweater out from under cart, which now holds 1/2 million 6-gallon jugs of water.
15. Expect pants - or sweater - to rip as you bend to pull sweater from under the cart.
16. Hear loud, gagging/vomit noise.
17. Realize noise is coming from your purse.
18. Remind self to hide phone from child/husband, as they are both great fans of the "make your own ringtone" option.
19. Resolve to get even.
20. Get hit on by someone older than your father, immediately followed by someone young enough to be your son.
21. Buy ice cream for office.
22. Take cart out to vehicle. Begin unloading into The Crime Scene.
23. Break into full-fledged, free style, no holds barred Man Sweat.
24. Be approached by male your age, and receive offer of help.
25. Gratefully accept.
26. Work silently with stranger, quietly wondering if he plans to mug you.
27. Have person wish you a great day (without death threats, etc) and walk off.
28. Smile briefly.
29. Become horrified when you realize that Same Age Guy called you "ma'am".
30. Briefly wonder why you smell onions.
31. Worry it's the zit.
...to be continued...
1. Spend 1-2 weeks, freezing cold.
2. Drink new, Costa Rican Extra Bold coffee with dinner "to warm up".
3. Spend entire evening/all night in high grade panic attacks, unsure of cause. Sleep approximately 3 hours.
4. Wake up with large zit under nose.
5. Drink more of new, fabulous coffee.
6. Have more panic attacks while driving to work.
7. Realize it's the coffee.
8. Wonder, briefly, why Juan Valdez wants you dead.
9. Spend entire morning exhausted, unfocused and barely able to work.
10. Go to large warehouse store during lunch to pick up supplies.
11. Finally warm up while in store, and remove sweater. Place sweater on top of cart.
12. Hear thudding noise as you're dragging an entire of now full cart through the store.
13. Realize that thudding noise is sweater, wrapped around tires under cart.
14. Try to pull sweater out from under cart, which now holds 1/2 million 6-gallon jugs of water.
15. Expect pants - or sweater - to rip as you bend to pull sweater from under the cart.
16. Hear loud, gagging/vomit noise.
17. Realize noise is coming from your purse.
18. Remind self to hide phone from child/husband, as they are both great fans of the "make your own ringtone" option.
19. Resolve to get even.
20. Get hit on by someone older than your father, immediately followed by someone young enough to be your son.
21. Buy ice cream for office.
22. Take cart out to vehicle. Begin unloading into The Crime Scene.
23. Break into full-fledged, free style, no holds barred Man Sweat.
24. Be approached by male your age, and receive offer of help.
25. Gratefully accept.
26. Work silently with stranger, quietly wondering if he plans to mug you.
27. Have person wish you a great day (without death threats, etc) and walk off.
28. Smile briefly.
29. Become horrified when you realize that Same Age Guy called you "ma'am".
30. Briefly wonder why you smell onions.
31. Worry it's the zit.
...to be continued...
posted by rennratt at 9:05 PM
11 Comments:
oh my....
That seems like way too many steps for me... I think I'll leave the coolness all for you!!!
freakin' hilarious....
I HATE being called ma'am. I do. Seriously. Almost as much as I hate being called Mrs. MacDonald. I'll take Ms. or Mrs. Linda...thanks.
Don't worry about the ma'am thing. Anyone over 30 in the South will address any aged female as ma'am. It's a Southern thang.
ETW is right; it's a southern thing!! But what a day you had...
LOL
Heh heh heh heh heh.
Wow, you really ARE fabulous!
I <3 you. LMAO! ~KDS
Even the muggers will call you ma'am as they run off with your purse.
that sounds like one helluva day there Renn. Damn, I would blame the ZIT too!!
I can't handle more than 12 steps.
But that's okay, 'cause I never ever get hit on which eliminates half of the steps right there.
*sigh*
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