Open Letters, Part 9,218,309
The following are letters that demand to be written, even if I am too lazy to mail them:
1. Dear Designers of the World,
While I enjoy wearing capri pants [because I'm horribly short], I do NOT, in fact, enjoy wearing 3/4 length sleeves. It may surprise you to know that I do not, in fact, walk through the world with Tyrannosaurs arms.
I spend the entire day thinking that I shrunk the stupid shirt in the dryer, pulling and tugging the sleeves down to my wrists where they clearly belong. If I WANTED to look like I was rapidly growing out of my clothes (or as if I sucked at doing laundry), I would simply shop in the Juniors Department.
Cut that crap out.
Much love,
RR
2. Dear Builder,
Stop ordering stuff that isn't in your cost code, your contract, or sold by anyone in this section of the USA. When we finally find the vendor (after expressly telling you - MORE THAN ONCE - that this material is junk), we will order it and install it as you requested. When it crumbles and fails within two months, DO NOT complain to me.
As I tell my Boss quite often, "Look, Dude. I just WORK here".
With Barely Restrained Annoyance,
RR
3. Dear Fellow Driver,
The speed limit is not a suggestion; it is a LAW. If I am pinned into the left lane because a trucker refuses to slow down and let me merge, your tailgating and horn blowing will only serve as fuel to Up my Frigging Irish. I am quite tired of my commute, and The Zombie Hippie Van sucks. Be very careful with the 'tude and the finger, Macho Tool. One day, my Upped Irish, Commute Hatred and Sucky Van are apt to revolt; they will surely slam on the brakes right as you bear down on my rear bumper.
I bet that would make your insurance bill REALLY SUCK.
Much...WHATEVER....
RR
What letters are currently running through YOUR heads?
1. Dear Designers of the World,
While I enjoy wearing capri pants [because I'm horribly short], I do NOT, in fact, enjoy wearing 3/4 length sleeves. It may surprise you to know that I do not, in fact, walk through the world with Tyrannosaurs arms.
I spend the entire day thinking that I shrunk the stupid shirt in the dryer, pulling and tugging the sleeves down to my wrists where they clearly belong. If I WANTED to look like I was rapidly growing out of my clothes (or as if I sucked at doing laundry), I would simply shop in the Juniors Department.
Cut that crap out.
Much love,
RR
2. Dear Builder,
Stop ordering stuff that isn't in your cost code, your contract, or sold by anyone in this section of the USA. When we finally find the vendor (after expressly telling you - MORE THAN ONCE - that this material is junk), we will order it and install it as you requested. When it crumbles and fails within two months, DO NOT complain to me.
As I tell my Boss quite often, "Look, Dude. I just WORK here".
With Barely Restrained Annoyance,
RR
3. Dear Fellow Driver,
The speed limit is not a suggestion; it is a LAW. If I am pinned into the left lane because a trucker refuses to slow down and let me merge, your tailgating and horn blowing will only serve as fuel to Up my Frigging Irish. I am quite tired of my commute, and The Zombie Hippie Van sucks. Be very careful with the 'tude and the finger, Macho Tool. One day, my Upped Irish, Commute Hatred and Sucky Van are apt to revolt; they will surely slam on the brakes right as you bear down on my rear bumper.
I bet that would make your insurance bill REALLY SUCK.
Much...WHATEVER....
RR
What letters are currently running through YOUR heads?
posted by rennratt at 9:14 PM
7 Comments:
#3 can go for me too, also one to people who don't use turn signals or who wait until 1 second before they turn to use them.
I do, however, like 3/4 sleeves. They cov er the fatter portion of my arms without making me too hot, as long sleeves will.
Honey - you ain't a tall girl, and therefore do not understand the glory of the 3/4 sleeve. It's OK. 'Long' sleeves so invariably bind up around a tall gal's arms, and short sleeves bunch in the armpit area due to our expanded shoulder girth. 3/4 is all right. :)
On the other side, I can't find a pair of capris that understand that I have a 33 inch inseam. Hems around my knees? No.
Oh dear, I've not yet read the rest of your post. Perhaps more later.
OOOh, can you write one to the office whiner, please?
Dear customer/advice giver:
Don't tell me how to do my job, since you have no idea what the hell you are talking about. If you know so much, do the job yourself. Nothing is difficult to someone who doesn't have to do the work.
Thanks
Al
I hate capris AND 3/4 length shirts. I got so tired of wearing high waters growing up - because I'm a tall one - I just can't do capri pants. And, I also grew tired of wearing long sleeved shirts that never reached my wrists (long arms, too). Now, I only wear cap sleeve tops, even in winter. I don't have to worry about them shrinking in the wash or whatever. I have a good winter coat, so it really doesn't matter what I wear under it. :-)
No fair! I've been banned from wearing capris. My What Not to Wear fan children told me that short people are forbidden from wearing them.
I'm not allowed to leave the house in capris. As for 3/4 length shirts, I don't know. I'll have to consult the experts. Jerks that they are.
Dear So&So,
Whining about how broke you are one day and the cruise you're planning the next day does nothing for me. Except makes me want to throat punch you.
Priorities, my friend. Priorities.
----ahem, i feel better---
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