Never Drive a Forklift in Kitten Heels (and other lessons learned in construction)
One of the ladies in our Corporate Office adores memos. A stringent Rule Follower, she insists that all regional offices be reminded of the varied rules and regulations that we are to follow, be it lunch hour policy, smoking, or public expulsion of gas (...Policy 4.6 of Corporate Regulations reminds us that loud BURPING within the office is prohibited, as it may be offensive to others sharing the same work space").
Management in each regional office receives at least two or three such reminders each week, via email. The nature of said emails has become so ridiculous that we (ok, I) have turned it into a game.
When any email regarding policy is received, I immediately print it out. I then run straight to Rick, the Big Boss with my take on the email. (Rick and I have worked together for years. He enjoys my input as much as I enjoy giving it.)
On Friday, I received my favorite email to date. I cut and pasted MOST of the email verbatim, for your enjoyment. The memo read as follows:
"...As springtime and warmer weather are now upon us, it is a good time to revisit office policy regarding proper in office attire. Examples of unacceptable office attire are as follows: Any color jeans (except Friday)...Tank tops...Anything faded or torn...Sweat pants...Tube tops...Anything low cut...Painters pants...Flip-flops...Anything see- through...spandex...Halter tops...Inappropriate language or graphics...Stretch leggings...Hats...Tennis shoes. At the discretion of the manager, an employee can be sent home to change if dressed inappropriately. The employee would be expected to make up any time lost on the same day".
I immediately printed out the memo and marched to Rick's office. "Have you seen the latest memo from Jess in Corporate?" I asked. "Do you mean 'What Not To Wear'?" Rick asked.
"Yeah, about that", I responded. "I only have two things to say."
"And they are..." Rick responded, waiting.
"Well" I replied, "First of all, I am sooo glad that I re-thought my outfit this morning".
Rick smiled slightly, leaning in, still waiting.
"Because" I continued "I was soooo going to wear my see through tube top covered in profanity - with my spandex painter's pants!"
Rick's laughter burst out, machine gun style, his hands slapping his desk. He recovered quickly, asking "What was the second thing?"
"As management, I realize I am duty bound to send people home for rule violations. I gotta tell ya, though. I won't."
He nodded seriously, waiting.
"At least not without taking a picture first".
I turned and walked back to my office slowly, with Rick's laughter following me.
[regarding the title: that is ONE email that I have never received - and it would have been really handy!]
Labels: Short Stories
posted by rennratt at 12:48 PM
7 Comments:
Gah. We have a "Jess", too. Only she's actually on-site so its worse because after sending the memo, she'll walk around the office, asking people if they feel that what they are wearing is "appropriate". Its annoying.
Those are the days, that I am glad that I am technically the Jess and I can wear whatever the heck I want :) -- Not that I would mind you but I can!!
She sounds like the blonde, humorless girl on "The Office"!!!
You know, you really made me re-think my choice of attire today. No tube tops?
It's a mad, mad world.
I take it y'all don't have summer interns, then. Her list of "don'ts" is all they wear!
Cute post :)
Actually I've got to agree with corporate's point of view...
There's still too many people in the workplace who're clueless about what is acceptable attire.
It's to the point where Casual Friday's gottent to be more like Superbowl Sunday :P
When I have to send something like that I have to comment offline that it feels so "office space" and that the powers that be MAKE ME. BTW are you sure you don't work at the same place I do???
They say if you want people to respect you, you should dress 1-2 levels above your audience. I happen to have a preference for battle armor & chain mail. (looks great with 4 inch slingbacks - really!)
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