But Officer, I can Explain!

I nearly wrecked on my way to work yesterday. It was about 8.00 am, and I was running right on time. (Time is relative when you are a salaried employee...) I was driving at a mild 70 mph down I-40 when I saw it.

Or, rather, him.

He was riding a motorcycle. This action, in and of itself, is not particularly rare. I realize this.

However.

The motorcycle driver [rider?] was either a) new to motoring or cycling or riding b) a Hater of Highways c) drunk. He may well have been all three, as he was weaving and wobbling all over the lane to my left. Right next to me.

This, surprisingly, wasn't the most distracting part.

That, my friends, was what one may call his 'gear'. Or his riding outfit. Or, perhaps, his ensemble.

I'm not kidding, people. He looked like an extra from Michael Jackson's THRILLER video. I'll begin with the helmet: cherry red with what appeared to be black flames and skulls. The jacket and pants: obviously purchased as a set, also shiny red with black flame - things. Said "set" appeared to be faux leather [pleather?] or perhaps a trash bag with lacquer thrown on it.

Then, dear friends, were the boots. One would think that perhaps, in the world of biking, that a pair of Doc Marten boots, construction boots - or heck, even sneakers would be the footwear of choice. Not for this uber fashionisto.

He was wearing...mukluks.

I have no idea where one would purchase red ones with black skulls on them.