My [On] Star

The call, borne of desperation and annoyance, always begins the same way:

Renn:   Chach, where's [insert random town]?

Chachi (sighing loudly, while typing into computer):  Why?  Never mind.  I probably don't want to know.  Wait.  I DO want to know.

Renn:  Because I'm there.

Chachi:  Of course you are.  You're supposed to be in DURHAM.  How did you get to [insert random town]?

Renn:  I WAS in Durham.  I was headed home.

Chachi:  Then you would be going EAST, Renn.  You are not going East.  In fact, you are SO far from going EAST that you are going NORTH.  Towards VIRGINIA.  You are FORTY FIVE MINUTES NORTH of DURHAM.  WHY did you wait FORTY FIVE MINUTES to call me?

Renn:  It LOOKED like the right road.  It said 501.  I took 501 to Durham from work!

Chachi [sighing sadly]:  No, hon.  You took FIFTEEN-FIVE OH ONE. NOT FIVE OH ONE.  It's TWO DIFFERENT ROADS.  [voice softening] What do you see in front of you?

Renn:  A pond.  Full of geese.

Chachi:  ...AND?

Renn:  Cows.  Lots of cows.

Chachi:  Any SIGNS on the road?  Or are you in a FIELD [again]?

Renn:  I am on the road.  Going slowly.  This is really the middle of nowhere.

Chachi:  Turn around.  NOW.

Renn:  AND?

Chachi:  Call me when you get back to Durham.

FIVE MINUTES PASS...

Renn:  Chachi?

Chachi:  Let me guess.  You passed Durham and are now in Florida?

Renn:  No, smartypants.  I need some advice.

Chachi:  [sighing]  What?

Renn:  Uh, how do I get goose feathers off my hood?


Ed. Note:  This post was checked for accuracy prior to posting.

This 'n' That

I was sitting in a meeting today that quickly turned sour.  One minute, I was sitting across the desk from an amicable co-worker, discussing floor plans and option bids.  The next, well...

...I looked up at him to see that he was rapidly pick-twisting what appeared to be a pus filled nodule on his neck.  RAPIDLY picking it.  THE BOY WAS ON A MISSION, Y'ALL.

Okay, now.  Let me be the first to admit to being less than perfect and absently picking at acne/face issues from time to time.  That stuff is annoying, irritating and can be painful beyond belief.  HOWEVER...

When you are in close proximity to someone that you work with, and they have no ability to escape...keep your hands OFF the goiters.


Also?  This...protrusion clearly needed medical intervention.  This was not a knot for amateurs.  I found myself physically leaning back, hoping to escape the inevitable...uh...over spray.  It was truly a long meeting.

It didn't help that there was a clear container on the table...filled with tobacco spit. 

Destrukto: Where revulsion and construction merge.

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On a lighter note (sort of):  I finally realized why I can not stomach watching Sean Hannity.  Some may assume it's the smarmy, condescending attitude, the smug self-righteous piety or the smirk that begs to be beaten off his face.  While those things are truly irritating, they aren't the cause of my discomfort.

Sean Hannity looks far too much like Nathan Lane for my comfort.  I keep expecting (hoping?) that he'll come out dressed in drag, singing show tunes.

If he managed his way through Chess, I would consider turning up the volume.