Nil
I never imagined that, at the grand age of forty five, I'd feel so...empty. So blah. So OVER every frigging thing. So ready to bail out, jump ship, run away.
Yet here I am. Middle aged, washed out, DONE.
I'm praying for relief from this chaos and getting a fist full of middle fingers from G*d himself. Yeah, yeah. I know. Christians aren't supposed to have doubts. Or anxiety. Or panic attacks that feel like your lungs are ready to crack out of your chest. Or heart palpitations that make you question whether or not it's a heart attack, almost hoping that it IS so you can have some kind of reason to TALK to someone who has no choice but to listen.
The listening has stopped. Everywhere. It's just yelling and screaming and anger and endless hatred for and from everyone. There's no quiet. No calm. No peace.
No escape.
Yet here I am. Middle aged, washed out, DONE.
I'm praying for relief from this chaos and getting a fist full of middle fingers from G*d himself. Yeah, yeah. I know. Christians aren't supposed to have doubts. Or anxiety. Or panic attacks that feel like your lungs are ready to crack out of your chest. Or heart palpitations that make you question whether or not it's a heart attack, almost hoping that it IS so you can have some kind of reason to TALK to someone who has no choice but to listen.
The listening has stopped. Everywhere. It's just yelling and screaming and anger and endless hatred for and from everyone. There's no quiet. No calm. No peace.
No escape.
posted by rennratt at 7:26 PM
1 Comments:
Oh hon, I am so so sorry. That's a terrible place to be.
1) do not ever think you can't feel something because you are not "Supposed" to.
2) If you need to vent... You just email me or PM me on facebook or WHATEVER you need. I promise to be a non-judgemental, completely external port of listen in the storm.
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