A Weighty Issue
I began attending my first weight loss group (the name currently escapes me) at the tender age of ten. I was a rather chunky gal, with a great love for all things sugary sweet. My mother, having struggled for years herself, was determined not to pass the issue on to me.
Sadly, the diet consisted of dry 'diet' breads, tuna fish sans mayonnaise, and Melba Toast. I quickly grew to hate all three items. I lost a total of about ten pounds before giving up on the group altogether. I gained the weight back - and then some.
That initiation to 'healthy living' has spawned a roller coaster life for me - gaining, losing, gaining more, losing...giving up...and starting all over again. My most recent attempt allowed a drop of approximately 14 pounds...and then it stopped. COLD. Dead in the water.
No amount of cardio, yoga, calorie counting - NOTHING - seems to take a single ounce off my frame. I am stuck. I began researching weight loss groups - medical spas - diet pills - ANYTHING to help. See, in spite of being a size twelve now (the very size I was back at age TEN), the number on the scale has me in what Medical Professionals deem "OBESE". I am not a fan of this title.
I approached the subject with Chachi, walking him through one program after another, one medical spa after another - one pill option after another.
Chachi sat there and listened quietly, then blurted out, "You are not fat. You are replacing fat with muscle. Muscle WEIGHS MORE. You are TONING. Why can you NOT see that you LOOK GREAT?!"
I found myself muttering, "I see changes, but it's not enough. I have to get that number down. The doctors will say that I'm obese!"
Chachi sighed, shook his head, and said, "Why is it that it's so much easier to ignore the words of someone who loves you in favor of the ugly thoughts you have in your head? You are NOT fat. You are NOT obese. Doctors need to go beyond the number on the scale and see what these changes have done for you. You're tiny! You're healthy! You're not limping! You went from a decreased NSAID dose (for my PsA swelling) - to NO dose at ALL! If you don't stop obsessing about the NUMBER you see on the scale, I am THROWING THE SCALE AWAY."
Noting my apparently stunned look, Chachi grinned and said, "I love you. So THERE."
Chachi is not one to yell. He's the nice, calm, kind-hearted spouse (usually). There are few things that will get him riled up, especially to the point of raising his voice. Needless to say, the line about 'ignoring the words of someone who loves me in favor of the ugly thoughts in my head' hit me between the eyes. Message delivered - and received.
He's right. After years of obsessing about living up to the expectations of others, worrying about what others think, constantly trying to cover, cower, minimize, hide...I need to change. Instead of worrying about the number on the scale, I need to focus on the voice in my head. The one that's been in power for so long. TOO long. I didn't really know where to start, so I went back to basics.
I haven't weighed myself in over a week.
Sadly, the diet consisted of dry 'diet' breads, tuna fish sans mayonnaise, and Melba Toast. I quickly grew to hate all three items. I lost a total of about ten pounds before giving up on the group altogether. I gained the weight back - and then some.
That initiation to 'healthy living' has spawned a roller coaster life for me - gaining, losing, gaining more, losing...giving up...and starting all over again. My most recent attempt allowed a drop of approximately 14 pounds...and then it stopped. COLD. Dead in the water.
No amount of cardio, yoga, calorie counting - NOTHING - seems to take a single ounce off my frame. I am stuck. I began researching weight loss groups - medical spas - diet pills - ANYTHING to help. See, in spite of being a size twelve now (the very size I was back at age TEN), the number on the scale has me in what Medical Professionals deem "OBESE". I am not a fan of this title.
I approached the subject with Chachi, walking him through one program after another, one medical spa after another - one pill option after another.
Chachi sat there and listened quietly, then blurted out, "You are not fat. You are replacing fat with muscle. Muscle WEIGHS MORE. You are TONING. Why can you NOT see that you LOOK GREAT?!"
I found myself muttering, "I see changes, but it's not enough. I have to get that number down. The doctors will say that I'm obese!"
Chachi sighed, shook his head, and said, "Why is it that it's so much easier to ignore the words of someone who loves you in favor of the ugly thoughts you have in your head? You are NOT fat. You are NOT obese. Doctors need to go beyond the number on the scale and see what these changes have done for you. You're tiny! You're healthy! You're not limping! You went from a decreased NSAID dose (for my PsA swelling) - to NO dose at ALL! If you don't stop obsessing about the NUMBER you see on the scale, I am THROWING THE SCALE AWAY."
Noting my apparently stunned look, Chachi grinned and said, "I love you. So THERE."
Chachi is not one to yell. He's the nice, calm, kind-hearted spouse (usually). There are few things that will get him riled up, especially to the point of raising his voice. Needless to say, the line about 'ignoring the words of someone who loves me in favor of the ugly thoughts in my head' hit me between the eyes. Message delivered - and received.
He's right. After years of obsessing about living up to the expectations of others, worrying about what others think, constantly trying to cover, cower, minimize, hide...I need to change. Instead of worrying about the number on the scale, I need to focus on the voice in my head. The one that's been in power for so long. TOO long. I didn't really know where to start, so I went back to basics.
I haven't weighed myself in over a week.
posted by rennratt at 7:12 PM
5 Comments:
I love Chachi, and he is totally fucking right. The number is an illusion, dude, designed to make you hate yourself into eternity. I know you can do this.
I have never thought you were fat so I don't know where that comes from. Chachi is right and you should listen to him!!
Chachi is wise, listen to him.
Your Chachi is a good man.
Chachi rocks, as do you. This body thing is a huge process, and so hard to adjust to once you're used to being a certain way. You will ALWAYS be 'hot Renn,' no matter what.
Post a Comment
<< Home