Guess where I went?!
I had no choice, y'all. We were out of the important stuff - eggs, coffee, chocolate chips (for pancakes, of course). I had to go grocery shopping.
Now that Nooze is a Certified Student in Public School, we can not afford to drag her all over Tarnation (1o miles each way) to go to the GROCERY STORE. Granted, there is a Mom 'n' Pop Shop two miles up the road. M&P own a slaughterhouse, so all meat is definitely fresh. But. If I want to purchase random crap for the house, shopping in town will take me to no less than FOUR stores.
So, with Nooze snuggling into bed - and Chachi reading chapter three of Barbie in Fairytopia (ha!), I sucked it up and drove to Tarnation solo. To THAT store.
I really should have taken a camera...Preferably one that also records SOUND.
While in said store, I saw a little girl running around in a t-shirt and underwear. No more, no less. Her hair was an unruly mop of curls, and she had a deep country accent. I wouldn't have given a second glance, but she had the voice of Selma from Night Court. I stopped, mid aisle, and just watched. I was completely transfixed with this little creature from the Land of the Not Quite Right. Toddlers should not come equipped with Smoker's Voice. Even in Tobacco Country.
I hadn't recovered from this sight (I don't know that I ever will) - when a voice came over the loudspeaker. Paging is Normal in this store, so I was prepared to zone out. Until I heard the following:
"Associate Steve, please join me in the MEAT BUNKER, located in aisle TWELVE".
MEAT. BUNKER.
Priceless.
And, y'all? Aisle Twelve is the CLEANING PRODUCTS.
I checked.
Now that Nooze is a Certified Student in Public School, we can not afford to drag her all over Tarnation (1o miles each way) to go to the GROCERY STORE. Granted, there is a Mom 'n' Pop Shop two miles up the road. M&P own a slaughterhouse, so all meat is definitely fresh. But. If I want to purchase random crap for the house, shopping in town will take me to no less than FOUR stores.
So, with Nooze snuggling into bed - and Chachi reading chapter three of Barbie in Fairytopia (ha!), I sucked it up and drove to Tarnation solo. To THAT store.
I really should have taken a camera...Preferably one that also records SOUND.
While in said store, I saw a little girl running around in a t-shirt and underwear. No more, no less. Her hair was an unruly mop of curls, and she had a deep country accent. I wouldn't have given a second glance, but she had the voice of Selma from Night Court. I stopped, mid aisle, and just watched. I was completely transfixed with this little creature from the Land of the Not Quite Right. Toddlers should not come equipped with Smoker's Voice. Even in Tobacco Country.
I hadn't recovered from this sight (I don't know that I ever will) - when a voice came over the loudspeaker. Paging is Normal in this store, so I was prepared to zone out. Until I heard the following:
"Associate Steve, please join me in the MEAT BUNKER, located in aisle TWELVE".
MEAT. BUNKER.
Priceless.
And, y'all? Aisle Twelve is the CLEANING PRODUCTS.
I checked.
posted by rennratt at 8:55 PM
5 Comments:
Too funny! I wonder what made that little girls' voice so raspy?
That's a riot! Yes, you should have brought a camera. You probably should also have brought some hand sanitizer.
Oh My God y'all. That reminds me of the days when I'd *have to* go grocery shopping in Wheeling. Yikes.
This post had me f***in ROLLING! I hate going shopping too, dammit. And I always seem to be within 10 paces of a screaming child...never can see them, can't seem to escape them. I would have TRADED a shopping trip featuring Ms. Smoky Mouth, to the ones I have, with idiots that drag their bratty kids all over Wal*Mart!
MEAT BUNKER! Best. Thing. Ever.
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