Did I really say that?!
The following entry is for Chelle...
Being a parent is rarely easy. More often than not, it is just plain weird. To that end, I give you the following:
Things I Never Thought I Would Say
10. IF your [imaginary] sister doesn't pick up this crap, I am taking away the car keys!
9. Jesus did not get beaten with kittens.
8. When stuff is in the trash, please leave it there.
7. Honey, that's a rectal thermometer.
6. If you must pick your nose, please use a tissue.
5. The dog is not a horse.
4. Give the dog back her bone. That is her snack, not yours.
3. We can't save the pumpkin forever, honey. It is food. Food rots.
2. Jesus and Moses did not hang out and talk.
1. Quit licking the dog!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Being a parent is rarely easy. More often than not, it is just plain weird. To that end, I give you the following:
Things I Never Thought I Would Say
10. IF your [imaginary] sister doesn't pick up this crap, I am taking away the car keys!
9. Jesus did not get beaten with kittens.
8. When stuff is in the trash, please leave it there.
7. Honey, that's a rectal thermometer.
6. If you must pick your nose, please use a tissue.
5. The dog is not a horse.
4. Give the dog back her bone. That is her snack, not yours.
3. We can't save the pumpkin forever, honey. It is food. Food rots.
2. Jesus and Moses did not hang out and talk.
1. Quit licking the dog!
Happy Thanksgiving!
posted by rennratt at 8:40 PM
13 Comments:
If I took time to think about it, I could probably come up with a doozy of a list of these! But the worst things I ever said made me sound just like my mom!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Beaten with kittens?
Rick - The Easter Story. The Cat O Nine Tails...
Don't go into a turkey coma!
Merry Thanksgivoween!
I am laughing. How do manage to keep a straight face?
Happy Thanksgiving!
Each and everyone of those begs for an explanation.
If only I could have had that wisdome earlier in life...
Renn, thanks for saying that. I really did enjoy getting to meet you and Tiff, and I am up for most anything the next time around. I'll be pretty busy until after the holidays, but January is very slow, so let me know when you can get together.
Dude - thanks for the kitten explanation....though the mental picture that comes with that phrase is making me giggle!
My favorite threat to use on the kids when they're being obnoxious is "get over her right now so I can TOUCH you!"
They have NO idea what this means (for that matter, neither do I), and have never pushed the envelope that far to find out.
Being a parent = making it up as you go along. Yay!!
When the girls were younger we'd do a thing that went like this.
US: Don't be a Penny.
Them: Who's Penny?
US: Penny was your older sister.
Them: We don't have an older sister.
US: THAT'S RIGHT, because she WOULDN'T LISTEN. DON'T BE A PENNY.
Even then they didn't take us seriously.
Dog licking and the rectal thermometer thing, huh? That's one seriously nasty mouth. Ewww!
Thanks for clearing up the whole Jesus-kitten thing.
I don't have a bad one, but my friend does...her son, 3 was potty training and insisted on taking EVERY stitch of clothing of during training...and then would forget about putting it back on. She was on the phone with her sister when the boy started tackling his 18 month old sister. My friend casually said "hold on" to her sister then shouted, "Zach get off your sister and put your clothes back on"...without realizing JUST HOW BAD that does sound!!!
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