How I Know it is Spring
I don't need to look outside, walk outside or read the newspaper.
I simply need to inhale. Or try to, anyway. Breathing is currently limited and set on "shallow"; my eyes are on Code Red High Alert and running like sieves. I am also coughing like a TB patient, waiting for my Iron Lung to arrive.
On the up swing, however, is the fact that THIS Spring, I have retained approximately 60% of my hearing. Enough, my friends, to know that The Voice has once again returned to me. This go 'round, there will be no comparisons to RuPaul or Vera de Milo. Apparently, this time around, The Voice is right on the mark.
How do I know?
Random customers are beginning to ask for me by descriptions involving works like 'gravel' and 'growl', but never by my name (which they KNOW!)
Male co-workers are currently contacting me via Nextel at an alarming rate, with increasingly inane questions. This suggests a "field network", and some of our vendors have become involved.
Female co-workers have lined up with a common goal: They all want me as the Girl in their voice mail message.
I might consider it, if I could stop coughing long enough to comply.
I simply need to inhale. Or try to, anyway. Breathing is currently limited and set on "shallow"; my eyes are on Code Red High Alert and running like sieves. I am also coughing like a TB patient, waiting for my Iron Lung to arrive.
On the up swing, however, is the fact that THIS Spring, I have retained approximately 60% of my hearing. Enough, my friends, to know that The Voice has once again returned to me. This go 'round, there will be no comparisons to RuPaul or Vera de Milo. Apparently, this time around, The Voice is right on the mark.
How do I know?
Random customers are beginning to ask for me by descriptions involving works like 'gravel' and 'growl', but never by my name (which they KNOW!)
Male co-workers are currently contacting me via Nextel at an alarming rate, with increasingly inane questions. This suggests a "field network", and some of our vendors have become involved.
Female co-workers have lined up with a common goal: They all want me as the Girl in their voice mail message.
I might consider it, if I could stop coughing long enough to comply.
Labels: health
posted by rennratt at 6:17 PM
11 Comments:
Aw, Renn, I'm sorry. I hope you feel better soon. I have been tossing back some sudafed myself.
I have the same problem!! Every year about this time I end up sounding like a 3 pack a day smoker LOL
When I was single, I started dating a guy while troubled with my spring voice, and when the season let up, he broke up with me because he didn't like my real voice...
:o|
My poor Renn. Want me to send you the really good cough syrup? Or maybe beat down some vendors? Whatever you want, dear.
Heh - on the off season you can achieve the same results by screaming at the top of your lungs for a half an hour (sporting events are great for this exercise), and VOILA! The next day you will have the voice of Spring no matter what time of year it is.
Minus the coughing.
G'head, give it a shot.
Me too with the sinuses watery eyes and hoarse voice. I love Spring, but it does come with a price.
Time to go take another dose of alergy medication.
You know you can make a fortune doing phone sex when The Voice hits, right? And right from the comfort of your very own desk! Your co-workers will love it. Trust me.
I will send you my phone number... Call me
Renn, sounds like you might want to start accepting CCs or Paypal - you might have a revenue earning voice, there. Hey, at least it could offset the cost of allergy meds. Seriously though, hope you feel better soon!
Oh Renn, and pollen season isn't even here yet. Have you ever researched a Neti Pot? I highly recommend it.
Bless your poor heart!
Now, know that when I say this, I am only laughing at your vivid and hilarious descriptions, not your pain and suffering...You just crack me up! I love the Iron Lung image. Of course, we told Brendan the other day that he sounded like he needed an Iron Lung and he simply looked at us blankly. Ours may be the last generation to actually know what that is.
And know that you have company in the voice department. Scott told me on Easter that I sounded like I'd been out all night drinking Scotch and smoking Pall Malls. Not a very pretty description.
I've tried the Neti Pot, too. It's a good thing.
But I've also tried the updated version, which appeals to me a little more, called "Nellimed" or something. I'll look at it when I get home. It's the same kind of water-in-one-side-out-the-other nasal rinsing thing, only much more fun.
I don't know what to say about the phone-sex voice. I mean, congrats?
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