Victory

My Boss has forgotten the Real Name of the New Employee.

He also fails to pick up his phone when people call, and tends to rely on "speaker".

As a result, the following gem was heard by the entire office this afternoon:

"Well, yeah. We need to get 14,000 cubes of whatzits, 9 gallons of tagers, 14K linear feet of joist screws..."

[pause]

"I can't make it over to pick those up for a while..."

"...If I write this up on a purchase order, can I send one of the field techs to get it?"

[muffled response]

"Great. I'll send...the new guy. You haven't met him yet, but...[gives physical description]"

[muffled question]

"His name? Oh. It's....CRAP. What is his name?! Rennie?! What is the name of the new guy?"

[I pass his door, shrugging]

"Oh, [expletive]. We just call him Cupcake."

Something to Pass the Time...

The video is weird, but I love this song. Even if it *is* old.

Cupcake**

The Big Boss has a strange habit of hiring people and forgetting to introduce them to everyone. After a mere 9.5 years of working with him [5 as my boss], I may have broken him of this annoying habit. Maybe.

Two new people have joined the Destrukto Rebellion within the past three days. The first, Ms. Creative, was hired to replace someone who left. Instead of waiting for Big Boss to introduce us, I simply walked into her office and introduced myself.

The Second New Employee is another story altogether. He is, apparently, a younger version of The Dumplin'. Much younger. In fact, this one looks like he's a prepubescent incarnation of Dazed and Confused's Ron Slater...but with less hair.

He tends to wander through the office (shuffle, really) with his hands in his pockets, eyes darting around frantically as his face contorts in fear. Poor boy seems to be completely unaware of where he is...or why.

While part of me [The Mom Gene, I'm guessing] wants to Hug him and squeeze him and call him George, another part of me really wants to torture him. Just a little. Sadly, I have been unable to accomplish EITHER, as he scatters like a cockroach every time I approach him.

His direct supervisor, Destruckto's Konstruction Chief, has been no help. He actually refuses to introduce him to me. I hardly find that fair, as I may have something he needs. Like an emergency kit or a uniform ticket or a written excuse for missing gym class.

Since the KC wouldn't help, I went straight to the top. Well, I actually went to the fax machine, but I spoke to Big Boss - who was there.

I told him that his latest hire was out of line, and that he should terminate the New Boy as quickly as possible. His eyebrows shot up as he tried to casually ask why. I looked at him sternly and replied:

"That boy can't be more than twelve. What are you, trolling junior high schools for naive, cheap labor?"

And, since Big Boss is reduced to a snarky teen when we're together, he simply responded with a snort and a lame line about a Work Permit.

To which I responded that Work Permits were for people that could probably stay awake until the mandatory 9 pm curfew...and who slept without benefit of footy pajamas.

The conversation ended with the following:

ME: DUDE. At the very least, you could have dragged the poor kid around and introduced him to the rest of us.

Big Boss: Not my job. He works for [Konstruction Chief]. He is supposed to introduce his employees to everyone.

ME: DUDE. I tried to tell KC that. He refuses to introduce the poor kid around!

Big Boss: Maybe he's waiting to see if he lasts.

ME: Doesn't matter.

Big Boss: [sighing] What's it going to be?

ME: [feigning innocence] Whatever do you mean?!

Big Boss: Cut the crap. What will you be calling him instead of [what his name appears to be]?

ME: **.

Poor kid. I give him a week, tops.

Stressed

My Beloved Spazz is on vacation this week. As a result, I am forced to combine her tasks with mine every day this week. This wasn't such a big deal when Destrukto had a normal Employee Base. However, now that we are down to Pins and Sticks, each employee carries a standard Three to Five Person Workload. Needless to say, this is the Week of SUCK for me. On the bright side, I'm busy. On the down side, well...what little sanity I possess may be short lived.

I try to distract myself with thanks that I am still employed, as Destrukto's Parent Company (Firestarters and Posers, Inc.) is rapidly circling the drain. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I'm teetering on the fence at the moment, to tell you the truth.

Thankfully, My Beloved Spazz is a mere text away. I am grateful that she is willing to send me passwords, web links and even structural nonsense on her own dime (and time!) when I ask for help. That said, I can not wait until she comes back...only five more days...

I hope to return to snark and humor soon. I'm getting annoyed with myself.

GRRRR...

I was looking forward to a nice, leisurely weekend of sleeping late, relaxing and the like. Alas, it was not to be. Why? That would be because my eight year old daughter finds it perfectly acceptable to wake Momma at 6:15 am on a Saturday...to find out where her Summer Reading Program Sheet would be.

I know, I know. I should be thrilled that she wants to jump into the Program and read, read, read. Especially since she has only been out of school for two days. However...

1. My daughter doesn't see this Program so much Exciting as she does Something that must be Accomplished NOW. It's a little scary that, at age 8, she must Divide and Conquer prior to relaxing. Everything is a Challenge. I fear she's a budding Type A personality.

2. The Reading List was on the kitchen table, exactly where I laid it last night. When we were TALKING ABOUT IT.

3. Her father was asleep next to me. She never wakes him up. In fact, two hours (and 15 minutes) later, he is still asleep. I, on the other hand, have ingested two cups of coffee, watched tv, completed three loads of laundry and done the dishes.

Not that I'm bitter or anything.

As a prize for waking me so early, Nooze has been sent to clean her room. She will begin raking the lawn next. As I told her earlier: There's no sense being awake at this time on a Weekend if we aren't getting things DONE. [I turned the television off as I said this.]

Perhaps, next weekend, she will think twice before waking me at Oh-God Thirty...

Random Day Off...

Today is a Random Day Off. As I noted in an earlier post, Nooze's last four days of school are ALL HALF DAYS. This means driving 5 miles (at breakneck speed) to EOTGW Elementary, dropping her off at 8:15...and re-engaging in this same stupidity at 12:30. As a result, I found it only fair to give Nooze's Aunt R a long weekend. She was given the choice of Friday or Today, and obviously chose Today. Chachi has Tomorrow off, so Aunt R actually got four days off.

I shall spend today involved in the following activities:

1. Grocery Shopping and ingesting Four Bux over in the Metropolis known as Satan's Buttcrack. What can I say; they have Harris Teeter. Tarnation, the 'other' closest town, only has old, sad stores and a Super WalMart...and no Four Bux.

2. Reading. I mean, I do that every day, but whatever. I plan to read more.

3. Planting the rest of the stuff scored at the Farmer's Market yesterday. I ran out of soil, and must purchase more.

4. Working on the Screen Play. I meet with The Writer's Workshop again Tuesday night, and it's my turn to present! Special thanks to The Workshop for new direction and inspiration!

5. Searching for (apparently elusive) violet nail polish for Nooze. I may purchase a random color or two for myself while we're out.

6. Playing badminton with my kid, who has discovered The Art of Trash Talk. There's really nothing funnier than having my 4'3", slim, blond kid yell out things like "Yer goin' down, Old Woman!"

7. Can anyone say "Dinner's on the Grill!"? I'm not sure what we're having yet, but it will be cooked outside. Even if it's potato and corn. Or cake.

8. Taking stuff to Good Will. This will happen post pick-up and pre-nail polish hunt.

There may be more to do, but I'm not sure what just yet. What would you be doing if you had today off?

Happy...

Today is the 67th anniversary of my dad's birth. If I know him at all, some portion of this day will be spent in the following ways:


1. Reading his Bible and drinking a cup of coffee [This is breakfast, and has occurred daily since I was a little kid.]

2. Mowing his lawn. "Fastidious" doesn't begin to describe his approach to lawn care. [Yay for riding mowers!]

3. Working in his garden, which probably holds enough produce to feed half the town...and probably WILL.

4. Reading a book, likely something by Zane Grey or his beloved Red Sox.

5. Pulling random pranks on the unsuspecting. Such pranks include sticking his teeth out at little kids in public, calling his co-workers his 'girlfriends'...and placing bottles of alcohol into the shopping carts of random pastors. [You should hear about the time he hard-wired a bra to the front of a bread truck...]

6. Eating cake with my bonus family, all of whom are excellent bakers. [This includes my bonus brother, S.]

7. Talking on the phone to his girls...if he's home long enough.

8. Playing around on The Facebook.

9. Watching the Red Sox on tv - game or bonus footage. He will fall asleep in his recliner and wake up covered in cats.

10. Have an awesome day.

Happy Birthday, Dad! Wish I could be there with you!