Dignity Lost - Part II

The waiting room of Specialist #2 smelled of Rest Home and Barn. The receptionist staggered to the front desk, bleary eyed and hacking. She was considerate enough to use the germ gel prior to taking my paperwork, then disappeared around the corner...never to return.

Some fifty minutes later, a grouchy, snarling post-menopausal nurse stormed out and barked my name. I walked to the desk, expecting to be taken 'to the back', The nurse glared at me, snarled "Here!" and thrust my ID and insurance cards at me. Then SHE disappeared.

Minutes later, a petite, dejected nurse came to the door and softly called my name. Ushered to a long hallway of dressing rooms, I was handed a hospital gown and told to remove my pants.

I entered the dressing room and attempted to do as I was told. However, I found the newly designed hospital gowns confusing [THREE armholes?!] - and stood there, pants free, laughing. I sternly told myself to 'grow up', and put the gown on as best I could. I then opened the dressing room door.

Sad nurse returned to collect me. She looked me up and down slowly and and asked [get ready] the following [get set] question [go!]: "Are you wearing underpants with either zippers or spikes?"

Before I could stop myself, I snorted "Why? Is it a requirement?" My humor was not well received; she was serious. She glared at me and wrote NO in large red letters on my chart. Apparently, they'd had a problem with this in the past.

I was then instructed top follow her...into a large, long hallway [with a waiting room!] down to X-Ray Room #316. Now remember what I was wearing, people: an ill-fitting / confusing short hospital gown, sport socks...and slip on sneakers. I looked GOOD.

I walked quietly behind Sad Nurse through the Common Area...

...into a dark, dank, dungeon-esque room filled with electronic equipment, a stern technician, and a private screening room. I was manipulated to perfection in front of an odd screen - before the technician ran to the Secret Room to take pictures of my knee. I was then instructed to place my hands on a slab, where more pictures were taken. I was eventually moved to a cold, metal bed, and placed in positions more befitting a contortionist. When we were done, the technician was cheerful --- and I was in pain.

I was then ushered back THROUGH the Common Area/waiting room...which now held a middle aged man. He had the decency to blush and look away. I was, at this point, too tired to notice that my underwear could be seen through the oh, so stylish gown. I staggered back to the changing room...

...and was instructed to WAIT. I stood in the changing room - because I sure couldn't sit at this point.

After what seemed to be hours, Sad Nurse reappeared. She told me that I could get dressed. The x-rays had developed without incident. I was allowed to dress - and leave.

The entire ordeal - which was slated to last a total of 10-15 minutes, lasted two and one half hours. Just think, though. It would have felt like much longer - if I had been wearing those spiked underwear.