Things I Do Not Recommend

1. If you are pulled over by the police for erratic driving, just tell them you are sorry. Leave it at that. I do NOT recommend telling them that your poor driving was due to playing 'Trading Heads' with your five year old. At the very least, you will get a breathalizer. At the very most, you will get a 72 hour hold, Pending Evaluation. [Especially if, in a Twist of Genius, your five year old is in the back seat, wide eyed and shrugging...]

2. I do Not recommend teaching your Youth Group the finer art of slam dancing. Good bye, cool factor; hello whiplash.

3. When speaking to your pastor, I do not recommend referring to Weird Al as 'My Fourth Husband'. Especially if you are still married to Husband #1...and he is the MUSIC MINISTER at the church. If you do, however, make this mistake, simply laugh and move on. Do NOT, under any circumstances, continue with, "Well, duh. He has to be number four. Jamie Hyneman is number two, and Anthony Simcoe is number three!"

4. I do NOT recommend playing 'Marry, Shag, or Throw off a Cliff' with nuns. 'Nuff said.

5. Lastly, if you suffer from Tunnel Vision, I do not recommend tweezing your own eyebrows.

Ask me how I know.