Rennratt: Protector of Temps
While I do not sort through resumes to hire temps, I am generally left to their training and care once they arrive. Having spent a great deal of my previous career in the world of Random Assignments at Weird Places, I am considered the Dr. Spock of Temp Workers at Destrukto Corp.
I walk them through the job qualifications and requirements. I train them on the telephone system. I introduce them to every possible co-worker in the office, in hopes that THIS one will finally work out.
They rarely do.
The current temp to hire in training is a bubbly, curvaceous twenty something blond girl. She is THE definition for ditz, and seems rather unaware of pretty much anything related to common sense. This would include the following gems: the need to study for a driving exam, the fact that you are allowed to pick up a book (free!) at the DMV, why pink thongs should not be worn with low slung WHITE pants, and why sweatpants with 'I love Pink!' on the butt may not be appropriate office attire.
We talk a lot.
In spite of (or perhaps because of) the above gems, I adore her. It is evident that, while irritating, her spells of ditz are just that. She is young. She is funny. She is trainable.
She had to take a day off this week, in order to attempt her drivers exam and attend a defensive driving class. In a bizarre (and rare) attempt to keep things flowing in the office, I requested a one day replacement to cover her position. I assumed that this would make my day smoother.
I was wrong. VERY wrong.
At exactly 7:55 am, He walked through the door. At 7:55:01 am, the estrogen level within a 3 block radius tripled. A hormonal mushroom cloud loomed over Destrukto Corp., and a collective giggle spread throughout the office.
He was beautiful, buff, and TAN. His cologne was light, his dress professional, his voice a deep, pleasant growl. His grace and ease around women, his willingness to stay quiet and busy, and his acceptance of a one day assignment thrilled me.
However, the steady stream of women running to my desk to yell "WELL DONE!" unnerved me. The chick equivalent of high-fiving was attempted, with comments regarding a possible checklist for future temp workers. I had asked for a one day replacement. I had no recollection of using phrases such as 'god like', 'hunky', or 'eye candy'.
I spent a greater part of my day attempting to protect him, myself, and Destrukto Corp. as a whole. I envisioned finger pointing - namely at me - and sexual harassment lawsuits. My head throbbed, and my stomach began to hurt.
It was one of the longest days of my life.
As he left the office at 5 pm, I thanked him for all of his help. He grinned, and casually noted that his aunt set him up to work there. Noting my puzzled look, he confessed that his aunt RUNS THE TEMP AGENCY.
She had set him up. Oooh, she was going to owe him. BIG.
I laughed, thankful that our Beloved Ditz would return the next day, and relieved that the One Day Assignment was just that. I released any fear of lawsuits and packed my bags to leave.
The next day, Beloved Ditz returned to the office with news. She failed the written exam. She needed to take another day off.
This time, I think we'll just have to chance it. I'm just not up for that kind of stress.
I walk them through the job qualifications and requirements. I train them on the telephone system. I introduce them to every possible co-worker in the office, in hopes that THIS one will finally work out.
They rarely do.
The current temp to hire in training is a bubbly, curvaceous twenty something blond girl. She is THE definition for ditz, and seems rather unaware of pretty much anything related to common sense. This would include the following gems: the need to study for a driving exam, the fact that you are allowed to pick up a book (free!) at the DMV, why pink thongs should not be worn with low slung WHITE pants, and why sweatpants with 'I love Pink!' on the butt may not be appropriate office attire.
We talk a lot.
In spite of (or perhaps because of) the above gems, I adore her. It is evident that, while irritating, her spells of ditz are just that. She is young. She is funny. She is trainable.
She had to take a day off this week, in order to attempt her drivers exam and attend a defensive driving class. In a bizarre (and rare) attempt to keep things flowing in the office, I requested a one day replacement to cover her position. I assumed that this would make my day smoother.
I was wrong. VERY wrong.
At exactly 7:55 am, He walked through the door. At 7:55:01 am, the estrogen level within a 3 block radius tripled. A hormonal mushroom cloud loomed over Destrukto Corp., and a collective giggle spread throughout the office.
He was beautiful, buff, and TAN. His cologne was light, his dress professional, his voice a deep, pleasant growl. His grace and ease around women, his willingness to stay quiet and busy, and his acceptance of a one day assignment thrilled me.
However, the steady stream of women running to my desk to yell "WELL DONE!" unnerved me. The chick equivalent of high-fiving was attempted, with comments regarding a possible checklist for future temp workers. I had asked for a one day replacement. I had no recollection of using phrases such as 'god like', 'hunky', or 'eye candy'.
I spent a greater part of my day attempting to protect him, myself, and Destrukto Corp. as a whole. I envisioned finger pointing - namely at me - and sexual harassment lawsuits. My head throbbed, and my stomach began to hurt.
It was one of the longest days of my life.
As he left the office at 5 pm, I thanked him for all of his help. He grinned, and casually noted that his aunt set him up to work there. Noting my puzzled look, he confessed that his aunt RUNS THE TEMP AGENCY.
She had set him up. Oooh, she was going to owe him. BIG.
I laughed, thankful that our Beloved Ditz would return the next day, and relieved that the One Day Assignment was just that. I released any fear of lawsuits and packed my bags to leave.
The next day, Beloved Ditz returned to the office with news. She failed the written exam. She needed to take another day off.
This time, I think we'll just have to chance it. I'm just not up for that kind of stress.
posted by rennratt at 7:55 PM
9 Comments:
My Geeksquad guy (well, he's no longer with them, but he still works on my computer) is gorgeous and I get all nervous around him, even tho: 1. I'm happily married 2. He's 10 years younger than me and 3. He's engaged.
He's hot and yes, I still call him with computer problems. LOL. The Evil Twin knows about this, btw and teases me mercilessly.
In every place I've worked in the last 15 years, guys DO NOT talk about the hot chick like this any more. We've gotten too afriad to be men any more. We're supposed to be asexual drones.
But women can get away with just about anything. Hunky calendar? Sure! Purposely arranging your bra cups at my desk? Why not? Talking in the hallway about having the hunky intern's baby? Why of course.
Pisses me off no end.
I am far from a prude. Just a little flirty fairness in the workplace would be nice.
Hey Renn, I'm with your coworkers, the occasional one-day assignment hot-temp guy is a good morale booster..hot boys in my department are greatly lacking.
Call me, I'll bring you coffee!
:)
JC
Renn, you should request that he be hired for permanent, part-time temp work in your office, and you can rfest assured that the women will all be in YOUR debt!!
Hmm...I think my boss needs an assistant.
I can just see the chaos. One time when I was running a comtainer company, we had the West Coast Maintenance Rep come up from Cal. He was a Nordic God. The women in the office walked around tripping over their tongues and leaving a trail. I was so enviuos, I was trying to think of a way I could lure him out into the container yard and accidently squish him between a couple of containers.
He looked VERY uncomfprtable with all the attention he was getting. It wasn't until late in the afternoon that I fugured out that his gate swung the other way, and he wanted to connect up with ME.
I politely told him my gate didn't swing that way, and the whole time I was saying in the back of my head "What a waste. Just think what I could do with his incredible good looks."
We HAVE guys like that in N.C.?
you gals are all alike. I can just picture my ass getting pinched all the time on temp jobs ;0
Renn - what's his name? We could sure use a temp around here like that. The estrogen level is a code red levels, and needs some kind of pressure release valve. JC's right - doods like that are few and faaaaaaar between at our place of employ.
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