List-ful
3 Things I never want to hear again
1. Any reference to Vaseline as "Crack Spackle"
2. My daughter referring to male nipples as "coconuts"
3. Any conversation with a co-worker discussing food poisoning, especially if it includes the word 'explosive', the phrase 'OVER TWENTY TIMES!' - and is then followed by the use of number 1.
3 Conversations I MUST hear
1. Any gleeful inclusion of the phrase "...And THEN, I/he/she THREW UP!"
2. Any reference to the goodness of 'Chinese buffet jello'.
3. Any discussion including a crazed pet who thinks it's human, or a fish convinced that he is a dog (Hi, Bleu!)
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Note to Self:
You shall be returning to the Vampyre Clinic in a mere 3 months. Remember the following:
1. Do not go to the "Clinic" around the corner. It is the Vampyre Clinic ADMINISTRATION BUILDING. While I'm sure they are VERY good at their jobs, they are likely not prepared to deal with the likes of YOU.
2. Remind the front desk people that you are the girl with the 'lazy veins'.
3. Ask for Michele. Though she had to try EACH ARM three times, she did not lose patience.
4. She ALSO understood that, while you take many shots, you HATE needles and the sight of blood.
5. Remember to TALK next time. If you don't, you will again hear the blood entering each tube. It makes you nauseous and dizzy, even when you can't feel the needle.
1. Any reference to Vaseline as "Crack Spackle"
2. My daughter referring to male nipples as "coconuts"
3. Any conversation with a co-worker discussing food poisoning, especially if it includes the word 'explosive', the phrase 'OVER TWENTY TIMES!' - and is then followed by the use of number 1.
3 Conversations I MUST hear
1. Any gleeful inclusion of the phrase "...And THEN, I/he/she THREW UP!"
2. Any reference to the goodness of 'Chinese buffet jello'.
3. Any discussion including a crazed pet who thinks it's human, or a fish convinced that he is a dog (Hi, Bleu!)
------------------------------------------------------
Note to Self:
You shall be returning to the Vampyre Clinic in a mere 3 months. Remember the following:
1. Do not go to the "Clinic" around the corner. It is the Vampyre Clinic ADMINISTRATION BUILDING. While I'm sure they are VERY good at their jobs, they are likely not prepared to deal with the likes of YOU.
2. Remind the front desk people that you are the girl with the 'lazy veins'.
3. Ask for Michele. Though she had to try EACH ARM three times, she did not lose patience.
4. She ALSO understood that, while you take many shots, you HATE needles and the sight of blood.
5. Remember to TALK next time. If you don't, you will again hear the blood entering each tube. It makes you nauseous and dizzy, even when you can't feel the needle.
posted by rennratt at 9:29 PM
14 Comments:
You poor baby! I think we're due for lunch and manicures again, aren't we? Maybe massages and facials? Wouldn't that get your mind off vomit and blood?
Oh man, your last Number 5 is a conversation I shouldn't hear again. It made me feel faint.
Did I mention that my son ADORES the Chinese buffet jello? Sometimes, that is the ONLY thing he will eat when we are there. Thankfully, he is still at the "free for 3 and under" stage. Once he gets beyond that tender age, I will FORCE FEED him other foods if I must!!!!
OK, I think the first two conversations you don't want to hear... deserve some explanation.
That's some list! I've noticed a tendency in our family to include #1 from your second list in dinner conversation. Why is that necessary?
Chinese buffet jello ass spackle vomit.
My work here is done.
I don't think I've ever heard of Chinese buffet jello., and I'llthankyouverymuch not to mention it again.
All the rest I can handle. And of course, if you want someone to come along and talk to you when you go for your scheduled exsanguination to drown out the sound of blood rushing into the tube. I'll even bring along the puppy, who doesn't think he's human, but thinks he's SOMEthing.
Take note, the offer stands.
JC
The bloodsucking sounds, well, sucky.
Our chinese buffet has banana pudding.
mmmmmmmm... chinese banana pudding.
All I have to say is i-Pod.
You won't hear the blood entering the tube. Not only that, it gives you license to pretend you can't hear anything you don't want to.
That's an awful lot to remember, Renn. I hope you can do it.
First of all, Chinese Buffet Jello is a half-decent band name, except I know for a fact that the Jello corporation would threaten you. (Bill Cosby himself my throw a brick at your house.)
I know this because there was this great band around 1990 called Green Jello (they had a song called "The Three Little Pigs," a Rap-Metal fairy tale) that was forced to change their name to Green Jelly.
They were never the same after.
Now, as to that aforementioned Chinese Buffet Jello, it's possible you're talking about palate cleansers. If the "jello" is in a small cup it's meant to be slurped between each course to get the taste of garlic, egg drop, or what have you out of your mouth.
Glad to be of service.
I think Nooze is onto something there. Coconuts sounds better than nipples. (IMO).
Hyperion, you just answered an age-old question for me. I used to listen to Green Jello, but when I looked for their music, all I could find was Green Jelly. My mind can finally stop asking "why?"
Renn, sweetie, when you go to the clinic, take along an iPod or other headphone device. Close your eyes and listen to music whilst giving blood.
I'm sure Michele will understand.
I worked in a dental surgery office once and a lot of patients would listen to music instead of hearing the drilling or the other things that went on.
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