Nerd Nirvana

It seems that my Beloved will make a guest appearance on Network Television this week.

You read that correctly.

If the rumors are true, my Mythbuster Men may be guest starring on CSI this week.

Sigh...

Only one thing could make this dream better: If they appeared on The Big Bang Theory.

As competing scientists.

Or Reaper...

...as themselves, trying to "prove" that the Myth of Satan is real.

Some Days...

Some days, I miss my mum more than others.

Today was one of those days.

It was warm, sunny and beautiful outside.

I got a lot done at work.

Nooze has almost 'topped out' of reading levels at school.

While those were parts of a great day, they are not ultimately what made me miss my mum so much.

I received the results of my mammogram today.

My letter contained the phrase "No trace of cancer".

Now THAT is something worth celebrating.

I wish that my mum could have been here to celebrate with me.

Note to Self, Volume VII

When preparing to have a mammogram, it is probably best to forgo any application of Vick's Vapo-Rub.

Even if you do have a chest cold.

The Grantichrist Meme

The following Q&A has been completed at the request of Tracy Lynn, who made a bet with Grant (who created the questions):



1. Describe yourself without the use of any vowels (treat “y” as a vowel).

tkr f rndm drs t prv tht t cn b dn


2. Write a short paragraph about a truly horrifying encounter you once had using the words “sippy-cup”.

As the mother of a now seven year old, I can attest to this: Sippy cups are evil, yet necessary. On more than one occasion, I have found said sippy cups littering the back of my Magic Mom Van, crusted with peanut butter and clogged with spoiled milk. Nooze stopped drinking out of those foul creations five years ago. I swear that they multiply out of spite.


3. Which of the following is the worst baby name: Monkey Winkle, Fetus Cheese, or Swaberpoo Deliciousness? Discuss.

I'm going to go with "Fetus Cheese". Bizarre, mind boggling, and likely to be saddled upon some poor newborn whose parents have more money than sense.


4. Complete the following word association: cookie, ladder, penis, regret…

Men.


5. You move your weasel to sun level three. Your opponent counters with whimsy to caveworm seven. What is the best counter move?

Subverting squirrels to the pachyderm ovule. Then up-down-right-left, squiggle, jab, tourniquet wrap!

My Theme Song

Sadly, I have been forbidden medical clearance to join the roller derby.

If I am ever healthy enough to audition (and stable enough to skate backwards!), my alter-ego will be dusted off and brought out into the public.

In the interim, however, Ms. Adventure shall stay inside my head...and skate furiously to this song.

Fascinating...and Completely Stolen

Thanks, Ron...

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations. A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you. You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people. Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness. Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life. Most things in your life are organized and planned well. But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have low neuroticism. You are very emotionally stable and mentally together. Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly. Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is medium. You are generally broad minded when it come to new things. But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it. You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

...Is this thing on?

Juliness tagged me well over a week ago to answer a random list of questions. Although I managed to write everything down on paper, I neglected to actually enter it here. So, without further ado, I present the rules:


1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning (here)

2. Each player answers the questions about themselves (see below)

3. At the end of the post, the player then taps five (5) people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment - informing them that they have been tagged...


1) What were you doing ten years ago? I was working at a bank. I researched bankruptcy claims, processed bad debt/loan charge offs, and had a total of 5 bosses in two departments.


2) What are 5 things on your to do list for today (in no particular order): Laundry, relaxing, completing employee reviews, baking and doing the dishes.


3) Snacks I enjoy: Frozen grapes, Orville Redenbacher's Smart Cakes, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Chocolate Covered Satan - and cheese.


4) Things I would do if I were a billionaire:

*Pay off my debt - and the debts of random others

* Donate heavily to my church, to do with as they pleased

* Open an animal shelter

* Build a house near North Fork Mountain, WV

* Donate heavily to my Alma Mater (in the same area as above)

* Build ANOTHER house in the Other Side of the Great Woods

* Make sure that both houses were in this general style.

* Take my entire family on a trip. Wherever they wanted, and not necessarily together.

5) Three of my bad habits: I bite my nails, I speak before I think, and I don't exercise nearly as often as I should.

6) Five places I have lived: Penobscot County, Maine; Wood County, WV; Fairfield, OH; Randolph County, WV; EOTGW, NC.

7) Five shortest/worst jobs that I have had: Babysitter for Psycho Child - 8 weeks; Waitress at hometown restaurant with the staff of Waiting... - 5 weeks; Data Clerk for a farm equipment company - 3 weeks; Waitress - Shoney's/Fairfield, OH - approx. 12 days; Environmental Lobbyist - 1 day.

8) Five bloggers that I would like to know more about: I'm skipping this one. Y'all have already been tagged!

Watching for Lightning

The following was recently seen onthe back of a dump truck:

At the top/center: Jesus Saves!

followed by: Stay Back 100 Feet

My immediate thought:

He can turn water into wine; He can be raised from the dead. Can't He navigate I-40?

Note to Self, Volume VI

As you know, appropriate office attire is an ongoing memo priority at Destrukto.

Another priority, however, is something called "discretion".

When attempting to counsel an employee regarding 'appropriate attire', a manager should always be careful to speak quietly, smile, and perhaps offer a sweater. Or even a ride home. Again, all of these solutions should be used with discretion.

Staring bulge-eyed at an employee and yelling "Holy CLEAVAGE, Batman!" is not discrete.
Ahem.

Random Confession #12

This was one of my favorite songs back in college.

My best friend, a transvestite named Jae, would sing it with me.

Surprisingly, alcohol was NOT a factor.

A Simple Request...

Many of you know the anxieties associated with parenting as well as I do:

Curfews- Will (s)he make it or miss it?

The First Day of School - Will (s)he be liked? Will (s)he be afraid? Will (s)he make friends?

Potty Training - Will (s)he EVER 'get' it down pat?

First Word - Will (s)he say 'mama' or 'dada'?

Now imagine the anxiety of waiting for it to begin at all.

For those of you who are inclined, please keep the Fresh and Sassy family in your prayers. Julie and her husband Phil have waited a long time.

They have completed Paperwork. Then Research. Then Meetings. Then More Meetings. And finally, more paperwork.

Now, they simply have to wait. And Wait. And wait some more...on THE phone call from the U.S. Embassy.

Their daughter is seven months old, and she isn't home yet.

I don't know about you, but if this was my child, my insides would be raw.

The crib is ready. The clothes are clean. The room is painted.

This family is ready. May the fog and red tape clear soon!