Note to Self, Volume XI

When attempting to soothe dry, cracked lips while standing in the cube farm, take heed. Make sure it was actually LIP BALM that you pulled out of your pocket.

Especially when surrounded by MEN.

Ahem...

Note to Self, Volume IX

Dear Self,

When seeking relief while at the movies, be sure to heed the following:

If you see a toilet paper dispenser door hanging open, LEAVE IT ALONE. If you close said door, you will inevitably have to bend to retrieve an errant piece of paper off the floor. You know, to 'leave the place better than you found it'.

As you bend over to pick up said paper, the toilet paper dispenser door can and, yes, will come crashing back open, landing firmly on the bridge of your nose. You will then be left with a combination dent/bump that may actually be a broken nose. It will sure feel like one.

Ahem.

Note to Self, Volume VIII

When handing a grocery list over to your spouse, do not make eye contact.

Especially when the list contains

Chocolate cake mix
Baby Food Prunes
Pumpkin Pie filling
Razors
and
toothpaste.

Let him wonder.

Note to Self, Volume VII

When preparing to have a mammogram, it is probably best to forgo any application of Vick's Vapo-Rub.

Even if you do have a chest cold.

Note to Self, Volume VI

As you know, appropriate office attire is an ongoing memo priority at Destrukto.

Another priority, however, is something called "discretion".

When attempting to counsel an employee regarding 'appropriate attire', a manager should always be careful to speak quietly, smile, and perhaps offer a sweater. Or even a ride home. Again, all of these solutions should be used with discretion.

Staring bulge-eyed at an employee and yelling "Holy CLEAVAGE, Batman!" is not discrete.
Ahem.

Note to Self, Volume V

When your boss says "You couldn't care less", it is NOT a dare.

As a result, you probably shouldn't grin at him and sing "I smell a challenge!"

Not that I've ever done that....

[wanders away whistling...]

Note to Self, Part III

When fighting off what appears to be the Plague, take caution.

While it is wise to engage in 'precautionary measures', it is also best to do so with some sort of...control.

Case in point:

It is, perhaps, not in your best interest to make medication a game. Do not, under any circumstances, engage in the ritual known as NyQuil shooters. Use a freaking measuring device.

If, however, you choose to ignore this advice, please. Please, in the name of all that is Holy. Do NOT immediately go on line and start leaving smart aleck comments all over the place. Shhh! Very BE Quiet!

People will think you are ca-ray--

...zzzzzzzz.

(snore)

Note to Self, Part II

You have a reputation as a Good Boss.

If you repeat today, you may well lose that title.

While today was "Hideously Hawaiian" day in the office, not all employees chose to participate.

Before congratulating an employee on a "Most excellent choice in the world of ugly shirts", make sure they are actually aware of the contest.

Sigh.

At least she won Runner Up. A Fifty Dollar Target card should help ease the pain.

Or purchase her some contact lens cleaner.