Uhhh

Nooze just asked why women need to open their legs when babies are born.

I exhaled slowly, and explained that it was a necessary part of childbirth.

She then asked how a woman could have TWINS. Before I could stop myself, I blurted something out about how an egg splits to create two human beings (identical twins) - rather than one.

Now my kid is walking through the house, grasping her thighs tightly with her hands...and glancing at the refrigerator with concern.

Sigh.

I'd keep talking if I thought it would help.

How I Spent My Friday Night

Outside, in gorgeous weather.

For about five hours.

These guys weren't even the headliners. They were, however one of my favorite highlights of the evening.

A surprise appearance by the lead singer of RED made the evening even better.

The Music Builds Tour: Time and money well spent, I promise you.

The Home Stretch

Only three pieces of laminate left to install.

Okay three pieces of laminate and approximately 98 linear feet of quarter round. Nonetheless, my new living room floor ROCKS.

Begone, random stains and foul doggie odor! Farewell, panicked purchases of stain removal and Capture!

I am off to contemplate the cost of installing this in both bedrooms next.

Oh, and to purchase a lifetime supply of Swiffer dry pads (generic) at Ye Olde Dolla Tree.

Over Drive

Terrible Confession Time:

I do not like having time off with my spouse.

I'll wait for y'all to exhale before I continue.

I like vacations. I like trips. I like random hours at the Farmer's Market, bookstores, Asian Food Shopping... You get the picture.

I. Do. NOT. LIKE. EXTENDED. TIME. With. Him.

Why? Well, lessee here. A glimpse at my weekend, beginning with Friday night:

Drove into yard at 6.15 pm. Raced to bathroom (I have a 3 water bottle habit and an hour commute). Changed shirt (not related to bathroom trip). Jumped back into the Magic Mom van for a 20 minute drive to the church to drop off supplies. Dinner at Random Restaurant. ONE AND A HALF HOUR SHOPPING TRIP FOR SALE ITEMS AT HARRIS TEETER. Twenty minute drive home. Now ten pm. Throw Nooze in bed.

Saturday: Up at butt crack of Dawn because Dogs are crying to go out. Am the only one dumb enough to blink at five thirty am; throw dogs outside. Drink three cups of coffee and make breakfast.

Rest of family up by ten am. Run random errands while waiting for local church event (with kid stuff) to open. Go to event too early. Leave. Drive TEN MINUTES to Tarnation and spend ANOTHER ONE AND A HALF HOURS at W*lM*rt to pick up items NOT purchased on sale the night before.

Return to EOTGW, put away groceries. Return to EVENT, stay 4.5 hours. Get sunburned (not supposed to be in sun because of medication; 50 SPF protection scoffed by sun.) Tell spouse at 6.45 "Remember, we have a kid here. It is HOT out, and we have to get up early tomorrow". Get eye rolls from spouse AND child. Am now deemed Mood Killer.

Home. Put kid in bed (after shower and sulking).

Sunday: Up at 5.30 am for new additional event at church. Immediately announce to Spouse "Yeah. I can't do this every week". Receive another sigh and Eye roll. Am re-christened Mood Killer. Drink six cups of coffee. Spend 7 am to 12.45 pm at church.

Go to friend's house for bi-weekly post service Home Team/lunch. EAT a slice of chocolate cake that could create world peace. At 3 pm, overhear that my living room floor is being replaced on Tuesday.

Remember that 1) We promised guy that we would remove CURRENT flooring and 2) Chachi is having The Guys over for Monday Night Football.

Casually ask when we are removing current flooring.

Am advised that we will do this when we return home from Home Team.

While getting a kid ready for school, making lunches for everyone and attempting to do laundry in order to have CLOTHES to wear to work.

So yeah. THAT would be why I like that he works most Saturdays.

I need some sleep.

They'd Better Hide the Clowns

Answers:

No, I don't believe in reincarnation.

I have no plans to join the circus.

I'm really more of the 'own a farm, not a commune' kind of girl.

No one could be more surprised than I am about these results.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your result for Reincarnation Placement Exam...

Traveling Circus

Your answers indicate that you might be the reckless, fun-loving sort. We can go with that. You don't need to bind yourself to any particular civilization or routine. You don't need the complications of technology, especially if it means you have to get an education to employ it. What you do need is adventure, particularly the complicated and exotic kind... plus, the fun of working and playing with fellow adventurers like yourselves. So... why not run off and join the circus?

You can run the fun house ride, play lion tamer or get shot out of a cannon. It takes all kinds!

Take Reincarnation Placement Exam at HelloQuizzy

***This test was acquired through JC's Place.***

Rant #4560

I have, in effect, banned the D*sney Channel, ABC F*mily and N*ckelodean from my home. It's simple, really. I consider the crap they peddle to be tantamount to infection, festering my kid with inappropriate words, premature "maturity", unrealistic goals and overall vulgar attitudes toward adults.

I am over it.

In spite of the inappropriate pandering and peddling, many public forums have expressed concerns over cartoons from my era. It is apparently feared that children may attempt Anvil Throwing, blowing up coyotes or, God Forbid, attempting to purchase crap from ACME.

However, it's apparently acceptable to foist scantily clad skank-ettes upon my kid. Skank-ettes, may I add, that attempt to sing like sex-kittens. To trite, mind numbing music.

It's enough to make a Momma crazy.

The final straw: Nooze asked me what a Panty Raid was.

She learned it on SPONGEBOB.

ICK!

Ok, so cartoons promoting such things are okay? Yet things like this are considered controversial.

I just. don't. get it.

Anthem

They missed the Skidder Guy, the Hippies, and the Rich people that live in The Other Half of the State.

The most disturbing part of this video (other than the random accuracy)? One of the guys looks a LOT like my brother in law.

Ewww

When you are encountering illness that involves razor blade feelings in your throat, stuffy/achy head and general malaise, hunt high and low for Twining's Lemon Ginger Tea. Do NOT accept substitutes.

Do not, under any circumstances, settle for Celestial Seasonings Honey Lemon Ginseng Green Tea. In spite of the wicked warrior/god on the box - and the extra long name, beware of the contents. They only seem mild.

The smell? Well. Let me just say this:

It smells like Frat House, post Kegger. Post Little Sister awards. Post bonfire with a refrigerator.

The taste: See above.

Never say I didn't warn you.

Paging Edward Scissorhands

My current hairstyle can only be described as "Cindy Lou Who Gets Dementia".

Something must be done.

SOON.